Our sad news

I'm new to this blog thing, but I've been encouraged to do this as a way to communicate to others what is going on and how they can help our family. Here goes.

About a month ago, my shoulder started to ache. I gave myself a bear hug and felt around my shoulder blades and found a lump. My heart skipped a beat, but I reassured myself that everything was fine and that my normal 4 month check-up with my oncologist was just two weeks away. I showed Travis and we both became a little nervous. When I met with my oncologist he at first thought it was a (fatty cyst), but since it was on the side I had breast cancer he ordered a chest CT. Last Wednesday, my oncologist called back with bad news. The chest CT indicated that the growth on my shoulder was suspicious and about 2 1/4 cm in size. In addition, it showed enlarged lymph nodes under my sternum. I asked him if I should be worried, and he said yes. I was stunned. I cried all that afternoon and evening and told my kids I was having a bad day. I just didn't feel like I could tell them anything since I didn't know anything for certain yet. The next morning, my doctor ordered a P.E.T. scan for the next morning, May 30. It was an interesting experience. I was told not to eat sugar, carbs, caffeine or to exercise for the next 24 hours. I was also asked not to eat after 10 pm. Upon arriving for the scan, I was given an icky drink of lemonade contrast and a radioactive isotope injection. The next hour I felt like I was at a spa treatment. I had soothing music, a water feature dripping water, dim lights an a comfortable chair. I needed to not tense a single muscle and just relax. It was quite difficult after I watched the nuclear technician just write the words "re staging" down on my medical history. After a long weekend of fasting, prayer and attending the temple, we waited. I was told to expect news Monday or Tuesday and I convinced myself that as long as I was busy with things planned bad news wouldn't come that night. We had planning on hiking Ensign Peak for family night and made it to the Subway on North Temple and 3rd South when my doctor called with the bad news.

Bad News: He said the PET scan indicated the breast cancer had recurred in my right lung, my lymph nodes under my sternum, lymph nodes under my left arm pit, L4 on my spine and in the soft tissue near my shoulder blade. I got out of my car and cried with Travis until I could compose myself to talk to the kids in the car. We broke the news as gently as we could and turned the car around and headed home. We were all crying for different reasons. Travis and I for the obvious, Garrett and Lauren for the unknown and Ashton because he wanted to watch a movie in the car. It actually made me laugh and happy that at least one of my kids will not understand the gravity of the news we just heard.

Good News: Travis called Bishop McNinch and Bro. Allred to come an administer a priesthood blessing. We talked about my diagnosis and the possible treatments to help put the cancer into remission for a time. We talked about what I was afraid of. Most of you have the same hopes and fears. I want to raise my children, see Garrett and Ashton serve a mission, see them marry in the temple, have grandchildren and grow old with Travis. I don't feel it is appropriate to share the promises of my blessing in this manner, but I want to share with you that I believe everything the bishop blessed me with that night. I cling to it desperately. I am strengthened by it. It brings me hope. It is the reason why I am not curled up in the fetal position right now. Heavenly Father loves me and knows my hopes and fears and hears my prayers as well as yours. I love the Lord and I am putting all my trust in him.

Follow up appointment - what's the plan: Travis and I met with Dr. Chandramouli for about an hour. We discussed the scans, treatment, side effects, ports, and test that need to be taken prior to chemo.

Chemo: TCH, (Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin)

Add'l drug: Zometa - Will help restore the bone when the cancer cells are destroyed

Schedule of Chemo: Every Thursday, for 3 1/2 hours @ Utah Cancer Specialists

Lenghth: At least 6 months, PET scans will make sure cancer is shrinking

Side Effect: Fatigue, hair loss, drop in blood counts (countered by transfusions), risk of infection, change in taste, change in appetite (on steriods 3 days a week), nausea, vomiting, weight gain (bummer), numbness and tingling in fingers and toes, diarrhea, cramping, and mouth sores.

Tests to complete before chemo: echo (herceptin is hard on the heart), MRI brain scan (just to makes sure it hasn't spread to my brain)

Implantable Port: This is a crazy experience, yesterday I had an appointment at the Vascular Clinic to get a implantable port surgically inserted in my right chest area. Upon showing up the the clinic the nurse apologized to me for making me fast. The problem was that no one told me to fast before the procedure. The nurse then proceeded to ask me where my ride home was. I again said no one informed me of this. She said that she'd need to talk to the doctor because you can't have Versed unless you have a driver and haven't eaten. The doctor gave me two options, one reschedule for next week, and two, do it without anesthesia. I couldn't reschedule because it put me too close for chemo so I decided to be brave and go for it.

First, they tried to give me an IV to give me an antibiotic while they are inserting the port; however, my veins are so shot in my arm that they had to use my IJ vein in my neck while they were inserting the port. Yuck! Anyways, the lidocaine shots stung like a bee sting and then it was okay. Things proceeded until I could smell something icky. I asked the doctor what it was and it was him cotarizing the incision. Too much info! He then mumbled, "this is why we give sedation." I felt him tug and push and squish the port inside and then weave the catheter up my IJ vein in my neck. It was very weird. He soon finished the up and stitched me up good as new. I drove home and have felt very sore ever since. Hopefully this tenderness goes away soon. I never had a port last go around because I had heard they hurt and also show a bump on your chest; however, this time it makes good sense to get one and should help a ton since my veins don't like to give or get anything.

Thank yous!!!!
Thank you for your HOPE rock, Spencer., chocolate dunford donuts, ham and funeral potatoes, strawberry trifle, chocolate emergency kit, watching Ashton, the Rumbi Salads, lunch at Iggys, PS2 Lego Indiana Jones video game (my kids LOVE IT), kettle corn, roasted macadamia nuts, the chocolate cupcakes with nummy frosting, an offer to make my pioneer dress for trek, cinnamon rolls, diet coke, dinner @ EPIC, magazine & foot soaking stuff, feng shui stuff, gas gift card for all my new travels, shakes from AB's (love ya ladies!), phone calls, visits and cards. Did I mention Dunford Chocolate donuts - twice

"Cocktail" Kickoff @ my house - Open House Wednesday 6/11 from 6:00-9:00. Chemo begins the next day June 12th.
Travis and I are hosting a "mocktail "party to kickoff my first "chemo cocktail". Everyone is invited. I'd love you all to come and wish me luck on my first of many chemo cocktails. You are welcome to bring an appetizer if you wish. Nothing else!!!